Several weeks ago, a son was born to my wife and me. As the day was exceptionally remarkable and a pivotal moment in our lives, I wrote this blog post to help preserve the memories of that day.

What I write below is the experience from my eyes. A reader might find some details extraneous, but those details are what helps me recall and visualize these memories. It should also not be understood that I believe my perspective to be the most important. Clearly, I was not the lead player in this story.

Before

My wife and I were already in any-day mode before March 4th, as the due date was February 23rd. By the time March rolled around, we were immensely aware that most births already happen by this point in the pregnancy.

It might feel counterintuitive, but instead of tensing up anticipating the birth, I became more relaxed with each passing day. The uncomplicated reason was that it gave us more time to prepare for the eventual birth (even if preparation has been happening for months now). Simple things made it easier to anticipate the birth date - like again driving to the Santaros hospital to be 100% clear about the exact route and finalizing stuff at work in preparation for my paternity leave.

Eventually, after my wife went for a consultation with a doctor, she was told that the labour might need to be induced. It’s common for labour to be induced when the baby is overdue, and we were not worried about it. What we hoped to avoid was a Caesarian section, as it involves a lot more complications.

On March 4th, we slept well, calmly ate breakfast, waited for a handyman to change our water meter (he graciously agreed to visit us earlier in the day than planned), and then drove to the hospital. Around midday, I parked our car in a parking lot across the street from the hospital. I was a bit surprised by how busy it was - I had to wait in line and wait for some cars to leave before I could enter the parking lot and park the car.

At this point, while a lot of people were aware that our baby would enter the world any day now, no one was aware that this was the day we were driving to this hospital.

I felt calm at this point due to how straightforwardly everything was playing out. Beforehand, I imagined and mentally prepared for extreme scenarios, like being woken up in the middle of the night by my wife being told that the waters broke (which rarely happens). Compared to these imagined scenarios, driving to the hospital in the middle of the day after a good night’s sleep felt easy.

(I didn’t rehearse driving with limited sleep; maybe I should have?)

I was also entirely focused on the delivery itself, not thinking much about what would happen afterwards. Having a clear focus and knowing what I can do to participate and help (in some limited ways) also helped me feel calm and relaxed on this day.

Lobby

When we entered the hospital, my wife was directed to be seen by a doctor, who would determine whether labour would be induced today. In the meantime, our bags and I had to wait in the lobby.

During the next hour and a half, I mostly spent reading with my shoes off and my legs crossed under me. For this week, I consciously chose to read something light - “Malibu Rising” by Taylor Jenkins Reid. I enjoyed other books by her (“Carrie Soto is Back”, “Daisy Jones and the Six”, and “The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo”), so this was a solid and safe choice.

(a tangent: I recently considered upgrading to a newer e-reader and decided there is no need. My Kindle Paperwhite is almost ten years old but still perfectly functional)

When I would take my eyes off my Kindle, that would happen for one of two reasons. Either because I would hear something that made me think that Eglė or the doctor might be back for me. Or because I would get a chance to observe other future parents. I had a chance to see how differently people behave in these situations. I saw a guy who was not able to stay still while waiting in the lobby. I saw another guy who was trying to convince the hospital staff that his wife would get what he considered the best doctor for their pregnancy. I saw a tired and happy dad-of-twins returning to the hospital, making awkward jokes about him now living in the hospital. I could empathize with all of them.

After more than an hour and a half, the hospital staff asked me to fill out some forms as it was determined that the pregnancy would be induced today. In ten more minutes, sometime after 2pm, my wife, me, and our bags ended up in a hospital room where the baby would eventually arrive.

Arrival

We didn’t know how long we would spend in this room. It could be three hours, or it could be twelve. We were ready for a scenario where we would welcome the baby on March 5th.

We both agreed that the hospital room was not how we imagined it. I think that’s mainly the influence of TV and movies. It was closer to a regular room with some equipment instead of an overwhelmingly and overbearingly hospital-feeling room. For the first few hours, I felt a bit uneasy in this room, but that passed as I got used to the place.

Because the labour was being induced, Eglė had to stay firmly in bed until the baby arrived. At first, there was not much for us to do besides talking and reflecting about what was going to take place over the next hours. But then contractions began.

While my wife was dealing with them directly, my role was to help with massages and water. The first rounds of contractions were not that bad, and she felt optimistic about not needing epidural pain relief. She went back to the initial plan of actually doing the epidural after a couple of hours as contractions intensified.

At around 6pm, the next checkup was due for 7pm, and the hospital staff told me that nothing would happen until then. Thus, after consulting with my wife, I went to the pizzeria nearby. I made sure to order the salami pizza beforehand, so it was hot and waiting for me when I sat down. It’s good that I ate and took a walk outside to clear my head, as things started happening very quickly after I came back to the hospital.

At 7pm, I was asked to wait outside the room as the doctor and staff examined whether the cervix was dilated enough, which means more than 10cm. During the previous examinations, it was stubbornly stuck at 4cm, so we were both in “it’s probably going to be a March 5th baby”. When I returned to the room, I was surprised to learn it was time for my wife to give birth.

The final stage of labour happened over the next hour, during which I was a bit worried and hoping that everything would be ok. I was there mostly to cheer for and give emotional support to my wife, who was doing the hard work of actually helping the baby arrive.

I am incredibly proud of her. Not only for what she did during this day but for everything she’s done over the last year (starting with IVF) to ensure this baby joins our family. I will have many memories from this period - from the beginning of seeing her sticking needles in her belly (shots to stimulate the pregnancy) to the effort on her face as she helped push the baby into this world.

(I wrote “sticking long needles” in an earlier draft. When I showed the draft to my beloved wife, she assured me those needles weren’t that long, which probably just shows how differently my wife and I feel about needles)

At around 8pm, the baby was here. The first moments were worrying, as I wanted to immediately know whether he was ok. As he started screaming, I was relieved. I made the symbolic gesture of cutting the umbilical cord, and then I was sent to the corridor as the hospital staff took care of my wife and the baby.

As I stepped out of the room, I couldn’t hold my emotions in anymore. I started crying out of relief and happiness. As I walked past the hospital staff and then another nervous guy, all I managed to do was to say “everything’s ok” to ensure them that everything was more than ok. As I sat on a couch in the corridor with tears continuing to roll down my face, a doctor walking past shot me a nervous glance, to which I responded with a vigorous thumbs up, with relief passing over her face.

I was invited back to the room some minutes later. My wife was ok, also relieved and happy. The baby was ok, healthy and calm. The next phase of our lives has begun.