This blog post was triggered by my manager and Vinted’s CEO discussing his personal growth during the latest company all-hands. His honest and open reflection in front of the entire company caused me to reflect on some parts of my growth journey.

When people talk about growth, they usually talk about adding new skills, habits, or knowledge. This form of growth feels exciting and fulfilling, as it often visibly expands capabilities and opportunities. Yet, another kind of growth is more challenging and, at least in my experience, more profound.

There is the type of growth that requires personal change. That means not just adding something new but removing something that has been a part of us. Change is loss. Loss is painful; thus, changes are tough.

(true for other kind of changes as well, not just personal ones)

I want to share two examples from my experience at Vinted, where transformative growth significantly impacted me. Both examples highlight how deeply intertwined professional roles can become with identities—and how adjusting these connections is often necessary, albeit difficult, for actual growth.

Principled

The first example revolves around principles and flexibility.

I held onto being strictly principled for a big part of my career. As a software engineer, precision, correctness, and adherence to clear standards were key elements of my professional identity.

(so much so that my biggest open source contribution is all about correctness)

And not just my professional identity. Before I got into software engineering, my childhood was defined by other activities where precision is important, including constructing LEGOs, chess, math, playing the piano, and Magic: the Gathering.

Being principled and precise felt non-negotiable and was integral to how I saw myself. However, being in a leadership role challenged this. Good leadership often requires compromise, negotiation, and flexibility—qualities that felt somewhat foreign, even uncomfortable, compared to my previous identity.

As my colleagues, who had to be on the other side of my unvarying principles, can attest, shifting to being more flexible wasn’t easy. Letting go of my rigidity meant confronting a deeply rooted aspect of myself. At first, it felt as though compromising on principles compromised who I was. The first times when I forced myself to be more flexible with my peers felt like a betrayal of who I was.

Forcing myself is precisely what I had to do. I had to fake being flexible to make myself more flexible. I continued reflecting on what made it so difficult to allow nuance and compromise each time.

It took a while, but over time, I realized that being principled doesn’t have to mean being inflexible. I changed my mental model to allow for flexibility more often. I accepted that nuance and compromise are necessary for leadership, especially when working with peers. I believe I can now navigate various work situations more effectively and decisively.

Identity

The second example is about identity and my emotional connection to Vinted.

I started at Vinted in 2012, almost 13 years ago, while writing this blog post. That was very early in Vinted’s journey, as an employee badge in my drawer with the number 16 on it, confirms. Today, Vinted has more than 2000 employees.

I have a powerful emotional connection to Vinted. Not only because I spent most of my professional career with the company but also because of the people I met, the experiences I had, and how successful Vinted became. In 2021, Vinted was a core part of my identity. At that time, it felt normal to me. How could it be bad to associate myself so strongly with Lithuania’s first tech unicorn?

Now, I can recognize that this intense emotional connection also had a negative side. For example, I would experience stronger emotions in any situation threatening my connection with Vinted.

Before 2021, Vinted was a company with a single business - Marketplace, and to this day, it remains our core business. In 2021, it became clear that Vinted will need to introduce a second business unit - Vinted Go, our logistics business.

(Vinted Go is doing quite well, by the way)

I was very much an advocate for this change. For Vinted Go to succeed, it needs to be able to operate more autonomously. My principled side knew that this was the right thing to do. However, adding a second business unit also meant reviewing and changing the top management team, of which I was a part. I could have argued that engineering only needs leaders in both business units, not an overall leader. Because of my principled side, I did make that argument to my manager and peers.

I found myself feeling uncertain about my future at Vinted, partly thanks to my logical side. Suddenly, my sense of self-esteem, which I had inadvertently linked tightly to Vinted, was at stake. At that time, I was surprised to discover how deeply my identity was intertwined with Vinted’s. This discovery wasn’t just adding a new perspective—it was actively dismantling a part of my identity that had quietly grown around my work.

A couple of months of reflection, mixed with some nights of abysmal sleep, followed. The initial discomfort gradually gave way to clarity. I started forming a healthier relationship with Vinted by consciously acknowledging and working through this connection. After those months, this change wasn’t complete, but it was a good start. I still needed many more months, encountering more situations and more reflection.

This healthier balance allowed me to approach challenges more level-headedly and with less emotional volatility. This shift didn’t diminish my care or passion for Vinted. Instead, it freed me to engage more authentically and sustainably. I genuinely believe that I can contribute better to Vinted’s success with this healthier connection.

Change

Growth through personal change is uncomfortable precisely because it involves reshaping core parts of who we are, not merely adding new ones. Yet, in my experience, these uncomfortable adjustments lead to the most meaningful growth.

The transformations I wrote about above were some of my professional life’s more critical growth moments. They were painful, as both required changing something that became a core part of my identity. But ultimately, not only did they make me more effective, but they also made me a happier human being.

To enable these personal changes, I had to understand myself more deeply. I had to reflect on my identity and understand how those pieces of my identity came to be. And not only once but continuously, as I encountered situations that brought forward those pieces of my identity. Through these self-reflections, I could start adjusting myself and my behaviour.

(thanks to my wife for asking open-ended questions that enable self-reflection instead of suggesting solutions)

Any kind of change isn’t easy. I hope this blog post was at least interesting to read and, at best, inspired to reflect on a piece of you that you find difficult to let go of.